My Dad entered eternal rest peacefully in the early morning hours of December 6th. I had just had a dream that my mom, sisters and I were at his bed side when his heart beat for the last time and he took his last breath just as my mom called. She called because the nurse had phoned her that it would be a good idea to come up as soon as possible, the time was near. Little did I know that when I had that dream that my Dad was passing at the same time. We arrived at his room almost 30 minutes later and my life was turned upside down.
Life without my Dad is hard. Sometimes it feels like he’s just out playing golf like he would every weekend. Sometimes I think he just ran to the store or to a friends house, he’ll be back. Other times I have a deep sadness within me that he’s not coming back. My hope though is that I’ll be where he’s at again. He won’t be coming home to me but I’ll be going home to where he is one day.
I have so many memories and pictures of my Dad and I to look back on. Thinking about all the memories we could have made, all the pictures we could have taken and all the what if’s just brings sadness. Dad wouldn’t want me to feel this way because he said it would all be okay.
Making the arrangements to celebrate his life haven’t been easy but they haven’t been difficult either. They’re not easy because… it’s my Dad. I don’t want to have to do this at this age. In my opinion, he had plenty of life to live. In God’s plan, that wasn’t so. Dad’s cup was full and God called him home. These arrangements haven’t been difficult because Dad told us what he wanted basically – songs and judgement call on other things. His passion for golf will be evident – everyone knew his passion and if they didn’t, they probably didn’t know him.
My Dad and I are a lot alike. We’re told we look alike, walk alike and sometimes talk alike. I just wish he were here to dress alike with our matching t-shirts one more time.
If I had to guess, the first full year will be the toughest. It’ll be the year of “firsts.” The first of every holiday without my Dad. There’s a heaviness on my heart just thinking about it, unless that’s just how I’m sitting as I type this.
My Dad suffered for so long without anyone, including him, really knowing why. Some probably didn’t even know he was in much pain. He dealt with it and that’s what he did at the end, he dealt with what God had given him and he joked until he just couldn’t laugh anymore.
I’m grateful for his strength, endurance, his laugh and obviously his good looks! 🤣 I miss him terribly, but I know he’s in better hands than those here on Earth.
Til we meet again Dad…