I could totally be alone in this, but these are some feels that have built up over the past two years.

Something you may not know about me is my unfortunate tendency to form attachments. I don’t like change, but I typically handle it well. What else am I supposed to do? Most change in life, you can’t just hit the undo button and revert back to the way things were before.

I form attachments to people that are in positions. I don’t mind adding people to a team and getting used to them, but them leaving? I remember for so long the way things were.

When my department lost a few employees during layoffs, it was a huge blow – to our department and to me personally. I was feeling guilt at being kept while others that were there longer weren’t kept. Layoffs weren’t by length of service. The woman who trained me and was a go-to so often was laid off. Some friends were laid off. At first, I continued to talk to one, but then slowly even that faded away. There’s that moment of not knowing what to do, then it lasts for weeks, months… until you just have to admit you fail at uncomfortable situations.

Here I am, wishing things had stayed the same. That the attachments I formed to my team could have stayed.

The same feels came again when I heard about parts of our company changing. First it was our IT department. Some were being laid off while others were being “rebadged” to a third party company that would continue to work on our issues (we have a few lol). Were the IT contacts I had going to survive this? Could I still call them? The answers? No. I couldn’t direct call my buddy, Joe, and have him fix my issue real quick anymore. Did they stay? Some did, some didn’t.

Then it was some other departments in a Texas office where I talked to people there regularly. Part of the company was sold off and some international endeavors were launched. Luckily, those guys are going to still be in the company, just doing different things. For now.

Change is cool. Change is nice. Sometimes.

Change is going to happen and it’s something I’m used to.

I feel like in that regard, I’ve handled it the same my whole life. I just kind of go with the flow and don’t really think about how it’s effecting me on a deeper level, but it is. It does.

I dread change of when people leave my life. They ultimately do. I don’t want to get close to people just for them to leave again, but I crave the interaction and familiarity there is in forming those easy relationships instead of all the formalities of something new.

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Thanks for reading about the feels of change!