I’ve been struggling to publish my blog posts… it’s not even a huge deal, but hitting publish seems like a daunting task lately… so here we go.
I thought to myself at one time that life hasn’t been all that kind to me. What I go through, what I’ve gone through and what I will go through in this life. Whether it doesn’t seem fair or I think it is fair and I just hate it.
Right after that I cried because though “life” hasn’t been kind to me, God always has been. He always will be.
The life I have is a gift, even though the way in which it plays out isn’t what I would hope or expect. Ultimately, my expectations of life are filled with dreams that are rooted in flesh and not rooted in Biblical necessity. That’s a hard reminder for me.
I’ve been fighting, unwisely, with God (mentally with my poor human logic) who is sovereign and just, but also kind. I’m not enthusiastic all of the time like I used to be about learning about Him, though I do feel closer to Him. Maybe I’m experiencing God in a new way in this season.
Anything apart from God that seems good, just isn’t.
Choosing God and choosing His way is a daily choice. It’s hard, it’s not easy.
I’ve been trying to get back to where I used to be. Or at least where God wants me to be – I don’t need to be going back, haha. I’m getting there and making progress.
Reading the Gospel of John has been helping with that I think. I’m also reading Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund – great book so far by the way!
Though I feel in pain emotionally and working through it in my own way, while praying to our sovereign God to help me just get through this… I’m not alone and I am made strong in my weakness. This I know.
Praise God for His goodness and His provisions.
Even when I do not see, I still believe.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.John 1:5
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 12:10