Sometimes it’s just hard to jump back in for the first time after being away from blogging for a while – a month to be exact.
Many factors have played a role in my absence. Ultimately, I didn’t make time for my blog this past month.
I’ve had some inspiration during that time and moments of “Oh, I could blog about that!” and then I’d like not write it down or something. Sometimes I would actually type out something, but then I never came back to it.
There have been some life updates that have taken a lot of my time and energy (energy meaning stressing me out unnecessarily).
Change Champions! Have I told you how much I love and enjoy being in that class? It’s a fun group of people to learn and discussion things with. It’s also a class I’m growing into. Talking in a group has always been hard for me. Speaking up in class is not something I volunteer for usually. Giving presentations have always been my least favorite thing, whether that’s acting out scenes/scenarios or presenting information with a PowerPoint or giving a speech, it doesn’t matter. It’s always the same – it’s an embarrassing and dreadful experience for me. I could have 10 minutes worth of material and talking points and somehow I rush and get nervous and end up throwing it out the window while I cram my talking into 3 and a half minutes. Did I get my point across? Somehow I do! “Not bad on the speech, but the time didn’t meet the requirements.” Getting back to the growing part…
This past week I had to give a speech – a 5-7 minute speech describing our defining moment. The speech was just in front of our peers in class and our guest instructor that explained and taught about public speaking specifically. I’d been thinking for weeks about a defining moment. How was I going to make any moment in my life 5-7 minutes worth? I’m so direct and to the point, it’s hard to talk that long. I did it again. I had plenty of material for the speech! PLENTY. I got to my class, I volunteered to go third out of five of us, I started and I was like okay, this is gonna be okay… I stumbled at first and then got into the groove. Then I got choked up. I got emotional speaking and lost my train of thought. I finished my defining moment speech and realized I missed details and information I wanted to share. I was at 4 minutes. Barely. Again, the instructor said overall it was well formed and I gave details, the length didn’t matter – better to be short and to the point than long and lose the interest of the audience. Glad to get that over with!
The nerves are not over and in fact, they may just get worse as the days and weeks go on. I have an even bigger speech coming May 5th (prayers in advance for an even bigger embarrassment?) and this time it’s in a meeting of over 50 people!
This meeting will be my graduation. I’ll have to talk about what I’ve learned/gained from the class. I’m shook up. It’s like a self reflection I guess and then putting it into a graduation speech and I’m overwhelmed more than I was just a day ago as I type this… The people in the graduation will be my class of 5 and two other classes about the same size so about 15 and then their superiors and the executive leadership team of the company. Oh em gee. So nervous. I have to remember that they are just people… but people that employee me! LOL I’m fine – everything is fine.
This, this speech, is what causes me stress. I’ve struggled with speaking for a long time, my whole life. I thought as I got older it would just get easier somehow due to age. It hasn’t really and in some ways it’s gotten worse. One on one, I could talk someone’s ear off if I’m comfortable enough. Most groups of more than three I get quiet, I talk in short bursts, I feel insignificant and I stutter and stumble over my thoughts and words. Getting what’s in my mind out is an obstacle of it’s own. This is where my stress lies.
On another note, I’ve continued to attend hockey games. Last weekend, I intended to type up one of my hockey blog posts. If I did, it would have been really depressing. In a short review (just like my speeches), the week filled with four home games was overall a complete loss. The one win from those games was overshadowed by heartbreaking losses I don’t even want to get into…
During the past month, a friend posted about this app called GoodReads. I had heard of GoodReads but I guess I thought it was only for rating books and looking at reviews. Never did I think that you could keep track of books you’ve read and are reading and then keep track of your reading goals!! It’s the coolest thing ever. Because of this, I feel as though I’ve become addicted in some small way to get my reading done and go above and beyond my 50 book goal for this year. I’m 3-4 books ahead of schedule already – which reminds me that I need to make a book post for March that I forgot to do. If you’d like to follow along on GoodReads, give me a follow! I’ll follow back because I like to get book ideas for when I go to the store and get books I don’t have room for.
BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) has been great still! I enjoy reading, learning and discussing the Word and what God has done in our lives through the scriptures. It’s been really encouraging and I’m still grateful for all the time I’ve spent with all the women there. It’ll be over for the semester before we know it and then I’ll be waiting for it to start back up! A summer break is always nice though.
Scentsy business is pretty steady still and not much to say – I’m excited for all the new products and things, but what’s new there, right?? I have a few disappointments I may or may not discuss here, not sure.
Overall, yeah, I’m stressed, but I’m also really blessed. Im trying to focus on the positives in life when I get in a funk… which normally means I escape into a book and ignore responsibilities until the last minute.
All this to say, I’m working my way out of my funk and will be making an effort to post soon!! ❤️