I’ve been in a state of discouragement for a while. Months. Some days I feel pretty okay, but not great. I rarely feel great, honestly. Amid the discouragement I’ve been floundering in, there have been glimmers of His light shining through and providing me opportunities to acknowledge things to be grateful for.

Last week and this week were my first Tuesdays back at Bible Study Fellowship after about a month of missing. I’ve been so glad to get back to that, but also just more normalcy. Once you get out of a routine, it’s hard to get back into it. It’s been a full struggle, let me tell ya.

In mid-November, my grandma fell and fractured her hip in our hallway at home. She’s doing amazing, but the changes that have come from it have been challenging and a lot to grow accustomed to. At first someone was with her at all times, and the thought of someone not being with her gave me anxiety. In that regard, I am better because she’s doing great and more mobile with basics around the house.

Anyway, that kind of threw me off of everything since that happened and I’ve been trying to just stay afloat with the necessities. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down with the intention of writing but feeling so ill-equipped or like I didn’t have anything to say from a Christ-centered heart that wasn’t tainted by discouragement and anxious depression.

Last night my group had a fellowship before our actual lesson discussion. Our activity was to say two things we’re thankful for using the first initial of both our first and last names. Mine were stories and rowing.

When nothing else holds my attention, usually some story will. I couldn’t say novel because my name doesn’t start with an N. TRAGIC, I know. But I am thankful for stories because there’s so many – fiction and non-fiction. We have the stories of the Bible that guide us today and help us anticipate tomorrow. We have stories that encourage us and entertain us with God’s grace and humor. We don’t always make good choices in our own stories and neither do the characters we read about, but we know Who holds the pen in the story of our lives.

I’m thankful for rowing! While I’ve been discouraged in life’s challenges, I’ve made time to row in recent months that has helped me mentally tackle my days. There’s a great feeling that comes over you when you’ve completed a workout and worked your body. Rowing is something I’ve talked about before and I always recommend it. Ever since I discovered and ventured into this thing, it’s been so impactful for me and now in this season of my life, it’s helped tremendously. I’ve also added the Simply Fit Board to my routine and some dumbbells. Trying to work those core muscles more!

Getting back into BSF helps to refocus me and center on His word. It helps to filter my circumstances through the lens of what is true. I always end up seeing something new about myself, my situation and my God when I walk through a lesson and discuss it with my group.

This week, when I haven’t felt as discouraged (it was a long weekend and I got some stuff done, worked out three days(!!) and even did some novel writing (I know!!)), I was encouraged by the talks we had in discussion group and during the lecture.

My new group leader (bless my old one who had to step away the second half of the BSF year) said that we face discouragement more when we’re self-focused as we were discussing our lesson over Haggai. Ugh, how true that is!!

It’s important to focus on Him instead of what’s going on in our lives. Do you think He doesn’t know what’s going on? Especially if we’ve already gone to Him in prayer? If we haven’t gone to Him in prayer, maybe that’s where we should start to unload our feelings of discouragement and our other self-focused anxieties so that we can put on His righteousness and His strength to do the things we need to be doing.

These feelings isolate us and can hinder us in our personal goals as well as spiritually.

We can’t expect God to do all the work when we’re not obeying Him.

One of my Bible Study friends said in class that BUSY stands for “being under satan’s yoke.” Oof. Talk about a call out. If we’re so busy, who are we serving? Who’s getting the time given to us? How are we stewarding it?

So many times, I think about the end result, where I want to be, what I want things to look like, what I want to have accomplished, etc. Thinking about the end result and comparing our journey to someone else’s end result isn’t going to help our situations except to distract us from what God wants us to experience and learn right now.

I think about how I’m not a great writer and I don’t have all my figurative ducks in a row… Gahhh!!! But God doesn’t ask for my perfection to execute an act of obedience. My novel’s first draft doesn’t demand I write it perfectly. It’s literally called a draft.

Anyway, that’s a lot. A lot’s been going on in my world, but lately it’s all been showing up as growth stuff. It all comes back to stewarding our feelings, our experiences and maybe even encouraging someone else in the midst of our own trials.

I hope you have a great rest of your week!! in the comments, feel free to share how God has used your trials for your good and/or others.