I don’t know how this title would best be read, like “Anxious FOR a change,” as in anticipating change, or “Anxious for a change,” as in finally.

Either way might work here.

I’ve been, like, wanting change, but I’m also afraid of change because if you make a change, sometimes you can’t go back.

Change is sometimes a small one, a step in a new direction.

I’m anxious because even though I don’t want to be this way, it sneaks up on me and I realize my own weakness.

This past week, our Bible Study lesson was in John 13 & 14. Jesus told his disciples that He would be leaving and they would have a place with Him, only later.

What did the disciples do though? They asked questions like “We don’t know where you’re going. How can we know the way?” and “Show us the Father and it will be enough for us.”

Before this even, Simon Peter said that he would lay down his life for Jesus. He was so sure of his faith in Jesus. Only, Jesus replied that Simon Peter would deny Him three times before the rooster crows. I can only imagine what Peter thought with that news. We don’t see another reply in that regard, but I’m sure he still denied that would happen, so sure that he would do anything for Jesus.

We’re often tempted to look at the disciples and ask why were they so uncertain of Jesus’ words? They were with Him day and night. Why would they doubt or question what He was saying to them? This wasn’t brand new information even, He had been telling them He would be leaving.

Present day, we are still the same in human nature. We get anxious with the unknown. We don’t understand what God is doing right now.

I’ve been anxious for weeks leading up to my birthday. This happens every year. I get a bunch of pent up anxiety because I feel like something is going to happen. What surprises are in store this year? (I don’t like surprises most of the time.)

Now it’s just worse. I’ve been anxious for change because I want this year to be different. I want to do things that scare me, that get me outside the comfort zone I’ve curated over the past few years.

I guess I’ve really done it now. I’ve built up a bunch of hype and now I’m more anxious than I’ve been in a long time. It’s quite irritating. Why am I like this?

It’s gotten better over the past few days, but I’m still struggling with having confidence in who God made me to be and letting the anxiety go at the foot of the cross. Why would I want to hold onto this? It’s a horrible chain to be tied to.

Good things come out of tough times, I believe that. What I’m dealing with, God will use to grow my faith and/or use me for someone else.

If you’re feeling anxious, just know you’re not alone, but also, that God is waiting for us to turn to Him with all our anxious thoughts.

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Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.

John 14:1