We’re officially into chapter 27 of the book of Matthew study at Bible Study Fellowship. It’s a hard read – not like… I don’t know, hard to read, but it’s hard to read because of the visual it creates and my brain putting myself in that position and just imagining the whole crucifixion.

I always end up balling my eyes out when I got the somber sections where Simon of Cyrene is carrying Jesus’ cross and then the ultimate event itself.

I start visualizing it. Like the nails in the hands and feet gives me the creeps alone, but then to just be hanging up on a cross. Ugh. The pain and discomfort Jesus went through.

It makes me want to pass out thinking about it. One time when I was a teen, I can’t remember where I was, but I’m pretty sure it was at my church somewhere, we watched a movie about Jesus’ death on the cross. Horrible experience. It definitely made me believe Jesus suffered and died and He did that for my sins, but it was horrible because having to watch that was brutal on my mind. I don’t think I could physically watch it.

Sometimes I think I’ve breezed over it, but other times I think I’ve relived the trauma of it in my head so many times that it’s like one of those things I don’t want to think about, but do, so I don’t want to minimize what He did for me because of how much that visual effects me.

I don’t know if anyone else has this difficulty of reading through chapter 27, but it’s a tough one for me. There’s also some tough stuff in the Old Testament, like maybe in Leviticus and Judges? But nothing compares to the visual in the Gospels that gives the testimony of Jesus crucifixion.

This is me remembering that Jesus died for my sins that were nailed to the cross 2000 years ago and that I have new life in Him. Thank you, Jesus! 🙌🏻