I’m a big fan of staying busy… maybe that’s a true statement, sometimes it’s just not. Sometimes not because I feel like I just want to rest. I sleep plenty though – I’m always tired. It’s awful to be falling asleep by 9pm. I’m only 24, how is this life even possible? LOL
In all seriousness, I wonder if staying busy is that helpful. There’s times when staying busy and having fun things to do, having errands, hanging out with friends and family is relaxing and gets my mind off of things. Other times, it just makes me think about who should be here experiencing these things with us.
That’s been me a lot lately. Two weekends ago I hung out with my best friend, watched LIVEPD, had a family dinner, hung out with my sister and nieces for an afternoon. It was all fun! Really, it was. Most of the weekend, I just missed Dad though.
He used to call me at random times to see what I was up to, if I wanted to go somewhere or do something together, or he had a question about his phone. Playing tennis with my sister was fun and I just thought about our Dad most of the time – how proud he would have been to see us enjoying that time together and also finally playing tennis together. We get our athleticism from him, of course.
Life is different. I can still live and I can live without Dad here on earth. There’s just so many things that I wish we could have done.
The truth is, I’ve always been busy. Somehow I always made time for the big family gatherings, like the birthday dinners, reunions and stuff like that. Guilt creeps in when I think about all the times Dad called and I was already out doing something else, with someone else and all he wanted was to hang out or talk. Doesn’t he know I have stuff I want to do? Now I just think, didn’t I know I wasn’t going to have him here forever?
Staying busy is good until you miss out on the little moments that seem so unimportant until they’re the moments you miss the most.