I was deep into reading in high school when we had to go to the library and were given at least 30min or an hour for reading. We had to read. I was annoyed. I wasn’t that into reading. I spoke English, but English was so hard. At times, English class is like the bane of my existence. Or was. Lol

The first book that got me into reading? Just One Wish by Janette Rallison. It was a YA celebrity trope romance. I don’t know what it was about it, but it was what I needed. I immediately read all her books my high school’s library had. Then Sarah Dessen. Then I started using my allowance on books rather than video games. I was addicted. Not as much as I’m addicted now though, actually. I didn’t read quite as fast as I do now.

In high school, either junior or senior year, I had a friend I’d be in technology class with and we both would write stories on the computer. I finished my tech projects super fast. Why everyone spent over an hour on something I could do in minutes was mind blowing to me. My teacher was always impressed and let me do whatever for the rest of the time or help the other students. That would either be doing homework for a different class or work on my personal projects.

I did so much writing sitting at my computer in that class. By the end of that year, I had 70 pages in a word document saved on my flash drive. 70! I remember just writing and writing to see where the story would go. I had no planning. I just sat and typed whatever popped in my head. I felt free.

10 years later I’m struggling with being precise. Don’t writers have plans? Don’t they have the whole story mapped out before they write?

The thing is, I have at least 3 stories in my head. I know how I want them to start, where they’re going to go, and how they’re going to end. I have notes in word docs and I have scenes already typed.

To me, this is a mess. I feel like it’s going to be trash. At the same time, my writing now is worlds better than it was 10 years ago. Why can’t I just celebrate progress?

I’m a perfectionist working on progress.

So my dilemma is trying to just calm down and write instead of planning because I don’t think planning is going to write the stories I have in my head. Much. I’m obviously conflicted.

Writing is something I’ve always enjoyed in a love-hate kind of way… (I like to write what I want without constraints to an assignment or minimum counts, or planning) so, this is something I really want to do and pursue. If you could be in prayer for your sister in Christ, I’d appreciate God’s guidance in telling the stories that need to be told – whether that leads to a plan or typing it out free of a plan. ❤️